


What shall I do without Eurydice?

by GateOfTheSettingSun



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Blanky swears but not actual swearing, Book shops, Coffee Shops, Edward has to make a decision about a book, Francis doesn't know what to do, Francis is slow but gets there eventually, Hurt/Comfort, James Wears A Dress, James is moving away, M/M, Pining, Romcom Feel, THE DRESS, Vesconte is a fashion icon, it gets him a boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25917025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GateOfTheSettingSun/pseuds/GateOfTheSettingSun
Summary: After their relationship took a heavy blow from Francis's devotion to Sophia Cracroft sudden new problems arise. James is offered a job in London and is planning to move away even though he wishes to stay with Francis, if the man would allow it. Francis is conflicted and not sure he can offer James what the other wants. Meanwhile Edward finally finds the courage to approach the angelic Thomas Jopson, and turns out a book from Neptune Bookshop can lead to so much more than just a good read.
Relationships: Captain Francis Crozier/Commander James Fitzjames, Thomas Jopson/Lt Edward Little
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7
Collections: The Terror Big Bang 2020





	What shall I do without Eurydice?

**Author's Note:**

> Art by Awhbeans <3
> 
> https://awhbeans.tumblr.com

It had started with books. In his youth, he didn't have the patience to read books. Always something to do in his busy life, someone to see when he was off work. So, he had a long list of books he wished to read for any cultivated man of some self-respect should have read said books. After he had started working as a book editor and was connected to Erebus Bookstore owned by his mentor Sir John, which had quite a collection of books, he had seen it as about time he sat down and got to reading. So, he had begun his conquest of the store's books. Sir John had only spoken well of his reading and encouraged the other. Sometimes he even spoke kindly that he should follow James’ example and therefore he had read with James while sitting with him. Had ended in talk and enjoyment of actual warm tea than reading. James adored those moments.

But James eventually had run out of books. Which brought him to Neptune Bookshop. Which had brought him to Francis Crozier. A man James with the greatest surprise didn't understand how he hadn't run into earlier in his life. The city they lived in was maybe not big enough to be called a city at all. Besides, they even came in the same circles, but Francis might have avoided James and his loud friends on purpose. Sir John didn't seem overly fond of the man, James only learned too late why.

James found great pleasure in teasing Francis. Maybe because at first, the man couldn't stand James so it was child's play. James wasn't sure why he teased Francis as much as he did. To make himself the centre of attention? As much as he adored attention, he could get that just fine by other means. But maybe it was because it was the only way he got Francis' attention. The Irishman had always seemed to avoid and despise James. He couldn't seem to hold Francis's attention or get any pleasant reactions from the man during normal conversations.

But the teasing grew into flirtish poking, it was like old jokes as if they had known each other for years. They grew used to one another, they spend time together privately. James might even say they cared for one another even if they were so different. Teasing and poking ended in a heated meeting in Francis’ home one faithful night. And so, their sort-of relationship began. Both were aware it was a relationship, but none of them dared to ask for the confirmation.

But James learned to regret that he never did ask as by the return of an old flame of Francis he was left forgotten and behind. Something he didn't know how to react to. For now, he had grown so fond of Francis and their usual bickering wouldn't do it anymore. He wanted them to become the old married couple that bickered all the time. But seemed that the world was working against James.

Yet he found himself here again, outside Neptune Bookshop. Entering the shop, the dog Neptune came barking, very pleased to see James. Much to Francis’ usual irritation. The dog greeted James by laying on his back. James greeted Thomas Jopson who sat in the register. Then went around to pick out a few books before he would enter the lion’s den, the office of Francis Crozier.

* * *

It was not going great for Edward. For a student who had always been doing rather well when it came to school work the sudden drop in his grades was unexpected to everyone but him. His teachers were worried and even pulling him aside for a talk about if everything was going well at home. Oh, everything was going as usual back home. Felt like three strangers sitting at the dinner table so nothing new there.

No, the issue was right in class, right there two seats ahead of him to the right. Such a perfect spot to sit in for Edward could admire the other. Admire the ice blue eyes, the neatly styled brown hair which Edward bet was soft to touch. The real outfit somehow paired with a slight stubble that gave him a bit of a rough look. Not that Edward could ever imagine him being especially rough, although he had told that bastard Hickey off one time. And finally, there was that smile, oh that wonderful smile. It was so bright and genuine that Edward’s heart could hardly bear it. He was thinking, of course, of Thomas Jopson.

It was so embarrassing to Edward that he was acting like another high school girl with a crush as the only reason he was falling behind in class was that he was distracted by Jopson’s clear voice and too busy stealing glances at the other to pay attention to whatever class he was in. He could barely admit without feeling shameful that his mind happened to wander and dream of how things could be.

But they weren’t For Edward would be damned before he built up the courage to ask Jopson out. It was a risky thing to do, he really couldn’t picture Jopson being homophobic but he rather not find out if he now was. But also, even if god was generous and everything worked out like another fairy tale then how could Edward ever relax in the company of someone so stunning. How would he not have a heart attack when Jopson smiled and it would be directed at Edward? If they were to kiss Edward couldn’t even imagine what would happen. It was like a light emerged from Jopson and it was so beautiful and warm but if you got too close you would end up blind.

Edward might wear a leather jacket and look hard and tough but he wasn’t brave, at least not when it came to love and all that was connected to it. He hadn’t exactly dated before; a few girls had asked him out but it seemed so distant for Edward the whole dating business so he had refused as gently as he could. He had known for a long time he would regret not learning more about how to flirt and date but he just hadn’t expected to regret it so soon. He had to act soon, they would graduate next year and who then knew what would happen. Edward would hate himself if he never took that risk for what if it did work out and he got to bask in Jopson’s light? What happiness wouldn’t he feel the! He would have to father all the bravery he could find.

He knew Jopson worked at Neptune Bookshop, that was a chance to randomly meet. Edward kind of knew the owner of the bookshop as well. Francis Crozier who had named the shop after his dog which was named after the sea god. The man had been in the navy in his younger days. Since Edward’s father was in the navy the two knew one another and that was how Edward knew Mr. Crozier whom Jopson happened to work for. The world was small indeed.

Edward wanted to buy some leather-bound Dickens for his father’s birthday and the best guess as to where to get such books would be in Neptune Bookshop. The much larger Erebus Bookstore would not be the place to look. Edward doubted that they would have anything close to leather-bound books expect maybe moleskin notebooks.

He just had to make sure he didn’t come across as creepy to Jopson which he felt like he was as he was trying to figure out which days Jopson was working by listening in on his conversations with Harry Peglar. He would have to come across as cool, he had to impress the other.

He really couldn't start asking for advice on how to do so from his friends, however. Like Irving would have any idea on how to do that. He was busy being a choir boy. He did well in the choir at church, it was good he had become the lead singer. Hodgson was just hopeless in that matter. As soon as he got hungry he lost all sense of how to behave as a human. How many times hadn’t Edward have to buy him food just so Hodgson didn’t begin eating his boots or something? The maniac. So, Edward was on his own this time. He didn’t fear that his two friends would be unaccepting of his feelings towards Jopson or anything. There was a bigger chance that they wouldn’t care at all and want him to shut up about all his longing feelings. They would just be no help in how to flirt with someone. They were all hopeless in that matter.

Funny how they wore leather jackets, navy officer hats, and had according to themselves cool beards and all had promising futures in their father’s footsteps but they were all fools when it came to love. But Edward would keep listening to Jopson’s lovely voice and when the chance he arose to see him in the bookshop he would have to take it. No matter how much he feared failure.

When Edward arrived at the book shop he right away noticed how Jopson was sitting at the old register looking through some books. IT looked as if he might be packing them to be sent to someone. Edward had no idea that this old bookshop had an online website. He was quick to step aside and in between the many bookshelves before Jopson spotted him. For he did look up because the bell rung as the door was opened but he was too late with his reaction to see Edward enter.

He began looking for those Dickens he wanted to find but his mind was too distracted to focus on such a task. He did notice how he was not the only one who was in the shop. Some tall lanky fellow was looking at books as well. He seemed oddly familiar but Edward couldn’t quite place it.

* * *

As James stepped into the small chaotic messy office Francis looked up at see who imposed on his private personal space. He had most likely expected Jopson to be the one in the door but this time it was James. As soon as Francis made this discovery his face grimaced and he sighed deeply, looking down at his papers again.

James couldn’t help but laugh at the other’s reaction ”For God’s sake Francis, am I such a bother to you?” He closed the door behind him and wandered around the small room shortly until there was nothing more to see and he then sat down on the chair by the desk opposite Francis.

”You weren’t until you decided to move to London,” Francis said and kept up the pretence that he was reading his papers.

James had a sad smile on his lips. No matter how he might explain his choice in this matter Francis was a stubborn man. He wouldn’t accept them. The man he loved was wearing his usual creamy button-up shirt and that awful emerald green sweater vest. Who wore a sweater vest, James hated himself for somehow accepting it just because it was Francis. He wished the man would let him redo his closet. He looked like himself like nothing had changed at all.

Their relationship had been rocky ever since the whole business with Sophia Cracroft. When they had first met James had been sure he would be able to melt Francis’ cold heart and they could be happy together. He discovered that Francis had suffered quite a few rejections from a woman he continued to love event hen. She kept leading him on to. When James thought he could finally take Francis in his arms and love the man as he deserved, she had suddenly returned to town and wished to meet up again. Francis put that woman on a pedestal and James had soon been forgotten and taken for granted. Didn't make it any better that the woman was Sir John's niece.

Now he had gotten a job offer in London. As an editor of literature. It was a huge opportunity but a difficult choice to make. He was going to leave a lot behind and most importantly of all was Francis of course. James supposed he was angry with how Francis refused to give that woman up, which is why he was considering this offer. He had also found a nice lovely apartment. The only thing that would be missing in his life in London would be love. He couldn’t stand being alone. But Francis had left a bigger scar than James had expected after that whole deal with Sophia Cracroft.

After not hearing from Francis a whole of two months after they had been dating, for it had been dating James stood by that, the messages asking where he was and if he wanted to meet had hurt. Most of all because it had been because Sophia Cracroft had left town and the loss of her company had made Francis remember that James had existed. He had let Francis know he had been hurt. The words they had said to one another over the phone had been ugly. James couldn’t say he regretted them, for at the time they had been completely valid. But he wished to move on from that now. The truth was that he had missed Francis much more than he had expected.

He had never felt like this before but he knew he would have to do his best to get Francis to be his. It wasn’t going to be easy. Francis was stubborn and would fight James like a bull. But James would just have to take this bull by the horns. He believed they could both be happy together and he was not about to let that go so Francis should prepare for hurricane James was about to be a tropical depression up in here. He wanted to try one last time. Put his faith in what he could see for him and Francis. Else he would have to take the job offer up, for he could never forget Francis if they lived in the same town. Time was not on his side.

He supposed he had tried to threaten Francis with the idea of James suddenly moving away because of this big job offer he had gotten in London. It was a big opportunity, James would like to take that step further in his career but he would like to live with Francis even more. He had hoped that this sudden final of James leaving town would have made Francis realize that he didn’t want James to leave and loved him so much that he always wanted James near. Sadly, it had almost had the opposite effect. Francis had been angry with him, why had James threatened to leave and hurt Francis that way. It was unfair to pull that card out James knew, but he just couldn’t admit to himself that Francis didn’t see the same future for them as James did.

The lack of wished reaction had made James say that he would indeed move to London for this job opportunity. But while he said it he knew his heart wasn’t in it yet. He desperately wanted to stay. He wanted to stay even if things didn’t change and he stayed second best to Sophia Cracroft. It was easier to dream than to forget. James was good at both telling stories and lying, he could fool himself for years with the hope that he could convince Francis to love him until one day Francis finally got to marry the woman he wanted so very much. That day it would come crashing down for James. Or he would move to London, be in pain but work towards a new start.

They had been sitting in silence for some time, it had been long since James had visited Francis at his shop. During the time they had been dating, James still couldn’t describe it in any other way, he had popped into this office several times a week. Borrowing or buying books, teasing Francis, and kissing his cheeks just to watch the Irishman get all red and pretend to be angry. The Irishman had liked it, James knew that. He remembered himself as some high school girl who had a crush. He cared in great detail about his outfit every time he had the idea to stop by the shop or they had a date. He had gone all in just for Francis.

Coffee dates, book reading, the cinema, and even the talk of a vacation together. They had been a couple. James found these things as being the things a dating couple did. Of course, they had kissed, they had laughed and they had been held each other’s hands. Among other things that were not proper to mention. James had been happy knowing he had finally found the one and was working towards ensuring their future together.

Then one day it had all stopped. James had tried to call Francis about the vacation because he had found a nice home in France for them to live in only to met by the voicemail. A voicemail he got very used to as none of his calls seemed to come through. Nor did his text get any replies. James had been in a panic trying to figure out what had gone wrong. What he had said, what he had done. Had the vacation idea been too much? Only to find out that some woman named Sophia Cracroft had returned to town and it had made Francis drop everything he had been doing so he could spend every waking hour with her.

It seemed clear to everybody but Francis that Sophia Cracroft had no intention of marrying Francis, at least not any time soon, and even if she rejected Francis several times he still held up this foolish hope that one day she would change her mind. He enjoyed her company and enjoyed tailing after her everywhere she went. James supposed that he and Francis were alike, only it was each their person they were clinging to in hopes of changing their mind about love.

”Want to go to Diver’s Deluxe Coffee? One last time?” James asked, looking out the small basement window at the rainy weather outside with tired eyes.

Francis looked over at him, finally dropping his papers and sighing deeply. This was dangerous for both of them. For it might not make things any easier. Would a clear rejection be better than doubt, would a sure future be better than a nimble hope? Sophia was gone now and Francis found himself not wanting James to leave. But he couldn’t promise he would ever marry James. He shouldn’t chain the other to him when he couldn't promise the other anything.

”One last time” Francis agreed and James smiled gently at him before shouting interrupted their meeting.

* * *

Edward had been staring and looking for the books for some time now, or rather he had been stealing glances at Jopson and trying to prep talk himself to get the courage to approach. If he kept it up much longer he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t noticed it was Jopson who was working here and he had planned to open the conversation with a friendly ”oh hey Jopson, I didn’t know you worked here?” and then start a nice chat chatting that way. Jopson would laugh at one of his jokes, of course, and Edward would ask for help with the books ”I thought that maybe this store would have something like that, I think used books are nice” or something about how he couldn’t find them online or whatever.

He wasn’t there for the books, they were just a gift, he was there for Jopson. He kind of liked fresh books. Used books with coffee stains and whatnot made him feel a bit icky. But he did hope he could find the book, he was pretty sure his father would be happy for them. Edward was never that good with gifts, he wanted to give something personal to show his father he cared. Also, if he could surprise his father with an amazing gift that would just be a great feeling. He could mention to Jopson it was a birthday gift for his father, that was a nice thing to tell and open up more conversation.

He would buy the books, of course, having no money trouble even though leather-bound Dickens were bound to be expensive even by used standards. God if his card declined, ugh and then in front of Jopson, what terrible feeling, it was making him nervous beforehand. But he would, of course, be able to buy them and then at the end when he was about to leave he would be heading for the door, stop when his hand was on the door handle, pause for some moments in thought like he was gathering courage and then turn back to Jopson and smoothly ask him if maybe he wanted to go get coffee sometimes. Jopson, of course, would say yes to this.

Edward already had this cozy coffee shop in mind called Diver's Deluxe Coffee. It was out in the woods, this nice little cabin that had this sort of swiss skiing woodman design. It was this big tall beefy man with large curly hair, his name was Mr. Collins, who had used to be a diver who now roasted coffee beans and had the best tasting coffee in the whole forest. Edward could say that as a fact, little harder to say the whole town. Hey, that was a good joke to tell Jopson. They would go get coffee there and that would be the beginning of their dating life.

Edward was too ashamed to admit he had thought further than just the dating life when it came to Jopson. With a heavy sigh, he pressed his forehead against the wooden bookshelves and slightly pushed some of the books back. Just asking Jopson smoothly out on a date? As if Edward could do any of that of which he had planned.

It was bad enough that he had spent this long in the bookstore without saying hello to Jopson. It was just them, as the tall man had gone off somewhere, and the shop was not that big, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen Jopson at all ”Are you okay?” the gentle voice reached Edward suddenly making him jump in such a shock that he bumped into the shelves and some books feel down on the floor.

He looked over at Jopson with big eyes ”Ah, Jopson? You work here?” He spoke so loudly it could be counted as yelling while he was staring at Jopson like a wild animal.

It had been loud enough to make Mr. Crozier open the door to his office and look outside with that tall man along. That had not gone as smoothly as Edward had hoped for. Jopson was staring back at him, looking a tad bit surprised before he blinked twice and then broke out into laughter. That should just be downright illegal, what heavenly sound wasn't that! So clear and happy. Edward could feel how his whole face burned with a red strong colour. What a disaster. The tall man had an amused smirk on his lips while Mr. Crozier simply looked bothered by the whole scene. The tall man talked Mr. Crozier into the office again.

Jopson walked over to Edward and started picking up the books that had fallen from the shelves ”Yes I work here, please call me Thomas, we are not at school right now” Jopson, now Thomas, said.

Edward quickly bowed down to help to pick up the books ”Of course, though only if you call me Edward” he was quite happy with himself that he had gotten to add that last part.

”So, what are you doing here Edward?” Thomas asked and it felt like holding a conversation with the other was the most natural thing in the world

”I am looking for some books” Edward got out while he admired the other from their spot on the floor picking up books.

They both stood together and again Jopson laughed ”Well, I could guess that much, what books are you looking for?” He asked and Edward let out a nervous quiet laugh, feeling a bit dumb.

He rubbed the back of his neck while holding the books that Thomas put in their place on the shelves beside him ”Well, Dickens, I am hoping to find a nice leather-bound couple of books. I would like his collected works.” he told. The way Thomas’ eyes lit up told Edward that he had come to the right place.

Thomas even seemed eager as he nodded ”we do, I have wondered who might buy them one day. To think it would be you” he said with a smile which made Edward keep from panicking about this whole situation ”Come with me,” Thomas said after they had put the books back where they belonged.

He led Edward a bit further into the shop, near a staircase that Edward wasn’t sure where lead to but there was a chain stopping you from going up the stairway. On that chain was a red sign that said ’Private’. He wasn’t sure if Mr. Crozier lived over the shop but it would make sense. The book shop was already on cellar level so a nice apartment could easily be above it. Must be nice to be this close to your workplace and shop. Or maybe not, maybe it was hard to forget about work.

Thomas stopped by a certain bookcase and pulled out a beautiful pair of books "this one is not exactly his collected works but I think these covers are so beautiful" He pulled out the first one, it was brown and had the city of London on the front in gold. The picture was beautifully framed and on the front with it stood the author's name.

”This is a collection of five of Dickens’ best-known novels. There is Oliver Twist, A Christmas Carol, David Copperfield, Great Expectations, and A tale of two cities. I think all these novels together truly capture the Victorian era. Dickens put a face to Victorian England through his memorable characters and captured the spirit of his age in entertaining fiction, social concerns, and historical events. It’s leather-bound and has a silk ribbon bookmark. Barely used at all! 1446 pages, original publisher Barnes & Noble.”

Edward stood completely memorized as Thomas spoke quickly and informative about the book with a bright smile on his face. He talked in such a precious way about the book as if he had written it himself. Edward didn’t doubt for a second that Thomas easily could provide a just as informative and eager presentation of every book in the shop. They were used books, old books, yet Thomas took the time to learn about all of them down to even the page number.

Before Edward could say anything, Thomas had moved on to the next book he had pulled from the bookcase. It was much larger and heavier in size. It was bound in red leather and on the front simply had Dickens signature in gold. The signature was a bit difficult to read for Edward but then again, he had not been born during the Victorian era. Who knew what type of person he had been then. Probably still going to the navy, probably still lost in Thomas’ blue eyes.

”This is his whole collection, all of his words, the whole thing ” explained the size ”It’s his real signature. Bound in red leather, the signature made with gold leaves, 10591 pages. Here is a fun fact. It weighs 1111 grams and is 1111 centimeters wide. How fun is that?” Thomas seemed eager, amused, and hopeful all at the same time as he giggled at his fun fact and seemed to await a reaction from Edward too. He liked books. Edward could tell.

He chuckled a bit himself and smiled, feeling relaxed and love-struck in Thomas’ presence ”that’s oddly specific, I wonder why they did that” Edward said and watched Thomas smile in triumph as the other had laughed at his fun fact.

Edward blew out a breath "A hard choice, I was going for a collection but I like the front cover of the first tone" he could see that there were more Dicks on the shelves but none caught the eye like this. Besides Thomas had picked these.

"I like the first one too," said Thomas and held the brown one up to admire the front cover "I have wanted to get it myself, but it feels silly when I work here besides it's a bit pricey. I know the stories already; Oliver twist is my favourite story of Dickens so it just seems like a foolish expense for just a pretty book" He told and afterward looked a bit ashamed for having said all that in front of a classmate.

Edward knew, only from rumours, that Thomas only had his mother and a little brother. He had moved from home but still had to take care of his mother. That was just what Edward had heard, he didn't have it from Thomas himself. But if it was true Edward could imagine that some of the money Thomas made went to his mother and therefore he might not have much money to spend on things like this.

”I think I will take it” Edward was a surprised as Thomas by his own words. He just really wanted to buy the book for Thomas though he had to give his father something for his birthday which he had forgotten for a second.

Thomas blinked a few times, then he carefully said "Edward it is a bit pricey when it's leather-bound, even more so when it's his most popular stories" he almost whispered it as if he was worried Edward take offense by his little remark about the price.

Edward could see the small price tags that hung from the book so there wasn’t written inside the books’ pages. It was pricey, much more than Edward had been willing to spend on his father. But how much was he willing to spend on Thomas?

”It’s fine,” Edward said with a smile and Thomas nodded slowly ”what are you going to use it for?” he asked while they walked back to the register together.

”Oh, birthday gift for my father, he turns 65 soon, he mentioned he liked Dickens” Edward told.

His father had some old wish-list from several Christmases ago which he kept saying held things he always needed and Edward hadn’t cared to find anything else for him. But this time he had wanted to surprise his father. He remembered how some months ago he had heard his father make mention of liking Dickens and wanting to read him again. His ears had perked up at that and he had wanted to surprise his father which such a thoughtful gift. He was looking forward to giving it to him now, he had held the idea for quite some time after all.

It was pricey and he definitely couldn’t spend another penny for the rest of the month. But that would be okay, at least he told himself that while putting his credit card into the machine at the register after Thomas had tapped in the price on the iPad connected to the card machine. After the payment had gone through Edward wasn’t so sure anymore.

Thomas gave him the book and a receipt ”I hope you enjoy it, oh, or that your father enjoys it” he said genuinely and Edward smiled ”so do I” he admitted.

He stood there for a moment just looking at Thomas who was smiling at him. Edward would have stared longer if Thomas hadn’t said his name in a questioning manner.

Edward panicked for a moment ”Ugh, I-I, um would you like to go to the woods?” a short pause of silence was between them where Edward felt like a serial killer ”for coffee! At Diver’s Deluxe Coffee! It’s in the woods, that’s why I said that!”

Thomas stared at him but with a gentle smile ”You are kind of odd Edward” he then said and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and hearing.

Despite the words, Edward didn't exactly feel discouraged. There was a gentle and sweet tone behind the words. It made him blush and rub the back of his neck "None of this went how I planned it" He admitted.

Now it was Thomas’ turn to blush for Edward had just given away that he had come in with a plan to ask Thomas on a date. Nothing could be misunderstood in this context. He cleared his throat and looked at Edward, nodding with a smile.

”I would love to. How about Thursday?”

* * *

Meeting with Henry was just what James needed before leaving his best friend behind. It would have to be the hardest part of leaving for London. They didn’t hang out as much as they used to, especially not when Henry regularly had some business in France to take care of. But they still met up and age hadn’t stopped them from their shenanigans. They hadn’t had time to meet for many months James realized, both had been busy with their lovers. One had had more luck than the other James soon discovered.

They were to meet at a cafe that was their usual place. A cute little French cafe that was down a quiet alley. James had arrived first and when he saw Henry he suddenly felt so old. The other was wearing ripped jeans, his briefs brand line could be seen at the top and it was in the colours of the rainbow then he wore a red crop top with a cowboy jacket over it. Just casually rocking the double denim look with a crop top, showing off his sexuality, of course, complete with the silver fox look and a pair of big round sunglasses.

Some may have their opinions concerning his look but Henry wore it with such confidence that it was hard not to approve of it. He looked five years younger since James last had seen him. He knew that Henry had gotten together with some young twenty-something man but he didn’t know it had done such wonders. What was most important was the fact that Henry looked so very happy. James felt himself get happy simply from his friend’s joy.

They talked and chatted as they used to. Henry still worked in his father’s company doing the bare minimum and to make matters worse he had gotten his young lover hired as his secretary and James could tell that no work was getting done there. Rather they were getting paid for spending time together. James couldn’t help but wonder how they kept up the energy and didn’t get bored. But Henry was happier than James remembered ever having seen him. Happier, younger, and more energized than ever before. Did wonders to get a younger lover. Also explained the choice of outfit which James could only approve, he would have to meet this lover that Henry kept mentioning.

Despite the age difference, there was between him and Francis he doubted that Francis would have the same ”rebirth” as Henry had had with his younger lover. Making Francis happier that James hoped he could do if he could trick Francis into a relationship with him. Or if he could have had, he supposed he was running out of time. Hadn’t been convincing enough. Hadn’t been able to earn Francis’ favour. His thoughts were doing him more harm than good.

He also hoped that Henry’s relationship would last when it did Henry so much good then just imagine what harm it would do if it ever ended. James wished for nothing but happiness for his friend and he knew the other felt the same way. It showed when Henry asked if he had gone to see Francis, his joyful smile falling slightly.

Henry was worried, he was the one who had seen how sad Francis had made James when he crawled back to Sophia despite the trouble James went through to love the bookshop owner. Henry was also the one James had talked and admitted to how much he cared for Francis. Henry had also been the one to confirm that Sophia Cracroft had indeed left town when Francis had suddenly called James’ phone and texting him asking if they should spend some time together. Hearing that James had an upcoming coffee date or meeting with Francis worried Henry even further.

In many ways, Henry was conflicted. Should he advise James to forget Francis, made it harder when dropping Francis gave James even more reason to leave for London. Henry didn’t want him to leave but he couldn’t allow himself to be selfish in this. James seemed very set on convincing Francis that they could achieve love together. Henry didn’t want to discourage his friend in a quest for love, he would cheer him on but what if it didn’t end with a happy ending? What if it did? Was it safe to leave James with Francis? Just what might happen if Sophia Cracroft decided to return to town again even months into a relationship between James and Francis?

But if James could become the receiver of all of Francis’ love he might forget Sophia Cracroft. Henry was stuck in this hopeless situation where he couldn’t see which path of action would lead to the best outcome. Not even doing nothing had the best chance. Cause if it failed somehow for James and if Henry hadn’t helped or warned him then Henry was a bastard. He would have to watch James closely and step in if he felt the need for it. Or rather saw the need for it.

But Henry didn't share his worries with James now. This might be the final time they were able to meet at this little café and chat like they used to. When James moved Henry would, of course, visit him, but how often would he have time to do that? It would be best for them to enjoy this moment together exactly as they used to and just for a moment forget the trouble with Francis and the ever-closing moment of James moving away. Even if they couldn't forget at all.

As the meeting of friends was coming to an end after having talked about everything between heaven and earth for too many hours they had to depart. Before that, though Henry smiled at his friend.

“I am thinking I will hold a farewell party for you at my place on Saturday. Does that work for you? You deserve a proper goodbye filled with good memories that you can take with you to London. You can invite anyone you like!”

James was touched by the thought and that Henry wanted to go through the trouble of getting a party up just for James. At the final words James instantly only thought of one person he would like to invite; Francis. He laughed at Henry and nodded.

“Sounds most wonderful, please invite all our friends, it would indeed be a proper goodbye to everything I have here” The words brought as much pain as they brought comfort, but James looked forward to this party.

* * *

Like his meeting with Henry, James had arrived a bit too early. He was never one to arrive early, not for social events. He liked to be fashionably late, where the party had started and he could avoid those awkward first meetings before anyone had gotten anything to drink. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly arrived early to this. Maybe it was because he wanted to make sure he made it? He had all these ideas about things he wanted to do before he left. The last meal, meet up with every friend at least one time before leaving, the last time he laid an outfit ready for the next day in his apartment only to change it the following day because he wasn’t feeling the outfit. He had this terrible feeling of how he had to make sure he got to do all these things or he would never get to enjoy them again. So, he wouldn’t let a moment slip by.

He would have preferred this to be a stunning summer day. One of those days that would be the picture in your mind of how you remembered summer as a child. But British weather had never been known for such kind weather. It had been raining lightly with pauses in between throughout the day. Even if it was still before noon. It would most likely continue as such. The sky was grey with big looming clouds. The wind was not calm today neither. But here in the forest, it didn't do as much harm as it did on the open road. He had been able to feel the pull in his car.

Deluxe Diver's Coffee laid in the middle of a wonderful green forest. It was very big and was quite popular with those maniacs who enjoyed mountain bike riding. There were several wonderful walks in this forest too, each trail had its colour. James and Francis had always favoured the blue trail. While James had always enjoyed fun, laughter, and excitement he knew it was not the same for Francis, and even then, James himself loved a nice walk in nature. You could end up talking an awful lot about all kinds of stuff. Then suddenly the walk was over. The beautiful sights you admired but had a hard time to recall afterward. But he did remember a few of them with Francis. Moments of tranquil. Moments like now.

James stood in the middle of the big parking space there had been made some years ago. Staring up at the top of the trees that were thrown back and forth in a wonderful green, being pulled and pushed by the wind. The noise of the wind in the leaves was loud but the raindrops made it all seem quieter. James stood there, not minding the quiet rain that barely made him wet. Letting his soul enjoy the silence of all his thoughts with the noise of only nature. He hoped the rain would wash away his tears as he made a horrible realization. He didn't want to leave. But he had to, didn't he?

Deluxe Diver’s Coffee laid by a popular monument that in the tourist season was heavily visited and was also the main reason why the coffee bar in the middle of the woods could survive. That there was a road to the monument you could drive on with your car also made sure that loyal customers from town came. The cabin that was the coffee bar looked like something from The Sound of Music. A Swiss skiing cabin. Wood and red checked curtains, vintage posters of different skiing points in the alephs, Bob Ross paintings, and small deer statues. A wonderful cozy cabin and James understood full why Mr. Collins had made it such. A troubled man, something had happened, but he surrounded himself with the comforts of home and the beauty of nature. He worked to heal himself. And he did so by also making sure he made some money so he could make it in this materialistic world. In the summer he sometimes had a young lady working at the coffee cabin as well. But James could spot the big figure of the former diver from his spot in the parking lot. He was happy it was Mr. Collins, he would like to see him before he left.

“What are you standing here for?” The voice shocked James but didn’t make him jump, he felt calm even if he wasn’t ready for Francis to have arrived already.

Turning against the other James blinking a few times, trying to draw his soul away from the tranquil of nature and return to the world of humans “Oh, Francis, right on time” He said and looked down at the other man, somewhat absent mildly.

“I’m ten minutes late James” Francis didn’t speak as if he was ashamed of the fact he was late, or sorry for it, he rather spoke in a worried tone and watched James with just as worried eyes. Neptune was sitting panting by Francis’ side, James supposed he hadn’t even heard it bark in greeting.

James felt something sour and bitter brew in his stomach. Why was Francis suddenly caring about James? Why did he have to suddenly show interest for James again? James almost wished that Sophia Cracroft was here so Francis would forget about James and it would urge James to leave this place in the world that he loved dearly and wished to stay. Why did Francis have to make it so hard for him? He supposed Henry had warned him of this and his friend had only spoken words of truth.

"Come on, I think the table under the roof is empty," James said and started walking towards the cabin, leaving Francis behind.

Francis followed the other with his eyes before he followed with his feet as well. He had been confused when he had glanced at his phone when driving that he hadn't seen ten missed calls from a moody James. His confusion had only worsened when he had driven to park his car only to see James standing in the middle just staring up at the trees. It was not hard to tell the other was distressed. While James had the fun and loving nature of an extrovert, he didn't share his hardships with anyone with the possible exception of his best friend Henry Le Vesconte. He loved telling stories and entertaining people, but he never spoke of his troubles and pains. Even when Francis would have listened and comforted best he could.

They reached the cabin. In the front there was a roof that provided cover from the rain and under this roof is also where one stood by the window which was a sliding window that was pushed aside upon their arrival, the red 'We're Open!' sign swinging as the window was moved. In the Autumn and Winter, you could sit inside the cabin, there was a small room in the back where a few chairs and small tables had been put together. You could buy raclette on bread during those cold days as well, and lovely hot chocolate with the powder from Belgium. Sometimes Mr. Collins had even baked apricot cake, it was to die for. But here in the summer, it was outside, a nice collection of ice creams to choose from and if you were really hungry maybe there was time to make a toast. Of course, the coffee was all year round, home-roasted, and made on a real barista coffee machine. Also made the prices completely fair, it was pricey but better than whatever you could get from most cafes.

The whole of Mr. Collins couldn’t even be seen through the window from which he took orders and gave out coffee. The big man with the dark curly hair and large hands towered over both of them. He was wearing a lovely creamy white sweater with small black anchors knitted into it. With the tall neckline, scruffy beard, and the voluminous curls then man seemed almost a bit mushed together, but he smiled gently upon seeing them. He was holding some old-timey sodas in his hands which he had to be stocking up the fridge with. Behind him on a high bar stool the cat Fagin laid and slept soundly in the warmth of the inside of the cabin.

“Good to see you two again, it’s been a while” Mr. Collins opened up the conversation and was not wrong in his observation for James and Francis had months ago come here quite regularly.

Both men greeted the former-diver-now-barista and there was no need for more conversation, Mr. Collins was not one to long for small talks. An Americano for Francis, a Cappuccino with cocoa mixed in for James. A James-Special James himself called it. Both were normally tea drinkers but the coffee was too good here to ignore. Even if Francis found James' little twist to the already too milky coffee quite horrible. But in a way, James made everything horrible. A horrible you could tolerate. An 'of course he does that' horrible. A horrible that Francis found endearing.

Most of the wooden picnic tables were spread out to the left of the cabin, while there were a few further into the forest to the right. In the back of the cabin, there were the toilets. But under the roof there was a small café table and two chairs, it was over in a corner and often overlooked. Now when it was raining, and it was raining more than before, James and Francis sat there. They usually went for a picnic table to the right when there were more people, but today it was quiet and aside from a few bike riders who didn't seem to care about the amount of mud they were covered in from the bike trails, there was no one else at this popular monument.

The silence was both heavy and light. It was heavy because they were both constantly reminded by their lonely brains that this was the last time they would be doing this, light because they were always comfortable with silence between each other. They didn't need to fill the silence, which Francis thought to be much more important than being able to talk about things. The rain calmed their minds and the warmth of the coffee dulled away any irritation towards the weather. Quiet thunder rumbled in the distance.

Francis was sorry that they couldn't go for a walk which the weather didn't allow, would only have seemed like a good thing to do now when this was their last time out here together. Thinking that to himself Francis felt ill. He didn't like the sound of it. But what could he do? James' mind was made up and maybe for the best. Francis should be grateful that it was James who was deciding to move away and that way force the hard break up between them. Not that they were dating, but more a break up that made sure they wouldn't start dating like before. It was never going to give them what they wanted. At least Francis didn't think he could deliver what James wanted.

But what final words should he give James, what should he end this relationship with? It had to be something important, something meaningful that showed that this relationship had been exactly those two words to Francis. It was not just something they took a cup of coffee over and called it a day. But Francis didn’t always word it right, he didn’t want to say it wrong this time. James needed to hear words that did that he could remember their relationship with fondness in the future and not look back on it all as a regret.

James beat Francis to it, but not exactly with what Francis had been trying to word himself “Henry is holding a farewell party for me on Saturday, will you come for me? And say goodbye? If you are not busy?” He asked, looking over at Francis.

Francis looked back at the other, looking no doubt a bit dumbfounded, he blinked and shook his head as if he was looking through his plans and finding that he was not busy at all “I would love to come” he said and nodded to the other, he couldn’t smile though.

* * *

Edward showed up outside the bookshop on his motorcycle. The engine reared and made a fussy lady with her small dog give him quite the stink eye. He was surprised he had been able to talk Thomas into riding on the back out into the forest. Edward had suggested it because he wanted to look cool, picking up Thomas on his bike, complete with the leather jacket of course. But upon reflection directly after sending the text, Edward had lost faith in the idea and tried to draw the line back. He could tell that Thomas hadn't been entirely sure, but as long as they wore helmets he wouldn't mind.

Edward carefully rolled the motorcycle along with his feet before flipping out the foot peg so he could rest the bike while waiting on Thomas. Too heavy a machine to just keep it up by his strength. It was a Harley Davidson, a "Breakout" model in black with a blue anchor on the fuel tank. He was bound to join the marine after all.

Today he had decided not only to wear his leather jacket as he pretty much did every day but also take on the nice boots and his gloves as well, he wished he could have gone with his hat too but Thomas had been very strict with the fact they had to wear helmets. Speaking of Edward readied the spare helmet he had which he had awkwardly driven over here with.

He was wondering if he should go in or if he should wait but his wonderings were put to an end as Thomas exited the shop, calling back something which Edward didn't hear but assumed was maybe goodbye to Mr. Crozier. Thomas looked happy and best of all, he looked excited. While he like Edward was wearing something, he could have worn any other day Edward could tell that Thomas, like himself, had put effort into himself because of this date. That filled Edward with better hopes than most else.

He pushed up the shielding glass of the helmet he was wearing and tried his best to smile to Thomas even if because of the helmet you wouldn't be able to see it. Hopefully, it would reach his eyes. He held out the mask and once Thomas had taken it Edward carefully swung his leg over the motorcycle so he was standing in front of Thomas.

"Hey, good to see you," Edward said although they had seen each other earlier this very day.

As Thomas returned the greeting Edward smiled before he watched as Thomas took on the helmet and carefully helped the other making sure the helmet was closed and secured, his fingers grazing the soft skin of Thomas’s throat. And he felt a little ashamed of noticing such a thing and wanting his fingers to linger.

Then Edward returned to his bike and removed the foot peg to have the bike upright and turned it on, ready to take off. He nodded to Thomas who with all care sat behind Edward and wrapped his arms around Edward’s waists. Edward breathed in. he had had many ideas in his life, not all good, but this bike one had been very good indeed. Having Thomas this close was like a dream coming through.

Edward called back if the other was ready and as he got a ready back he carefully took off, riding down the street and causing quite a bit of noise on the way. As he rode he felt how Thomas was clinging to him a bit tighter, his face hiding slightly behind Edward’s back. Edward felt both bad for making Thomas ride the bike but also happy to have the other so close.

When he felt certain sharp inhales of breaths against his back from the pressure of Thomas’s chest he got worried. Was Thomas crying or hyperventilating? What had Edward dragged him into? He tried to glance back but had to keep his focus on the traffic “are you alright?” he called loudly to speak louder than the noise that came from said traffic.

To his surprise, he heard Thomas laugh. It suddenly emerged from him. This bubbling laughter coming up through him and leaving his lips. Joyful and amused it was. Like a child going on a ride in an amusement park, finding out it was their favourite because of the funny feeling it gave them in their stomach. He blinked and looked back again. Not sure how to react to this situation. It was better than Thomas hyperventilating, that was for sure. Edward couldn’t help but smile before he looked ahead and focused on getting them out in the forest.

“It just rumbles in the whole body, I can’t help but laugh, it’s going so fast!” Thomas called to Edward who smiled and nodded happily, he was glad the other was having fun.

It was a lovely sunny day, they had been lucky with the weather. Edward had been worried because it had been raining a bit the day before so even if there was the sun the roads could have been muddy which was not ideal on a bike unless Thomas was to get covered in mud. But this day had shown to be the best of summer weather. The sun was heavy and had dried up the roads and while Edward was suffering in his leather jacket it was ideal for their outing.

As they arrived at the monument Edward carefully parked his bike by the side of the coffee cabin, he had made a deal with Mr. Collins that he could do that. The tourists were messy drivers and they were desperate for a parking spot which meant they could easily overlook a bike being parked there. Mr. Collins offered to keep the helmets for them while they were out and about.

They went for a walk first and picked out the yellow route which seemed a decent length and also took them up some cliffs in the forest that gave a lovely view. Edward had to take off his leather jacket as it was too warm for him. They talked about just everything between heaven and earth and before they could even take notice of it they were back where they started. They should have taken a longer route.

Thomas didn’t drink coffee but there was aleph-tea which was a specialty there which he decided to try. Edward went for an iced coffee, he enjoyed the sweetness of the syrup, and even more, he enjoyed the coolness of the ice. Edward bought a slice of home-baked chocolate cake to share and asked if Mr. Collins could cut in half. They sat at a picnic table further out in the woods away from the cabin. As they sat to enjoy their beverages and cake Edward couldn’t help but notice that the slice of cake was more like two full slices of cake. Mr. Collins was too kind that he would admit himself.

"When was your father's birthday? Have you given him the book yet?" Thomas asked with a smile and Edward was reminded of the issue with the book.

He wanted to give it to Thomas, though he was very much supposed to give it to his father. He was also supposed to decide and quickly too as his father’s birthday was approaching. Was it not a bit odd to give Thomas a gift so early though, this was their first date? He hadn’t outright called it a date but he was pretty sure that was what it was and they were both aware of that.

Edward had thought about the reason behind why he had gotten his father this book. He wanted to surprise the other with something his father wanted but hadn't asked for which was unexpected and lovely. But would that not be the same reaction he would get from Thomas if he gifted him the book? Which face would he rather see light up in joy? Well, he knew the answer to that but it seemed a bit odd to give it to Thomas who would know it had originally been to his father.

“Ah, it’s this Saturday. I hope he will be happy for it” Edward said in a lower voice than usual, still unsure of what to do with himself.

Thomas smiled to him in such a warm and sweet way "It's a lovely gift! Anyone would be happy for it!" he said which only made Edward tip over towards wanting to gift this book to Thomas rather than anyone else.

“I hope so, I hope so…” Edward mumbled to himself more than anyone else.

Thomas sent him a worried look but didn’t pry further in Edward’s business nor his feelings.

A sweet smile came to Thomas’s face and he looked at Edward “I am glad we did this Edward, thank you for inviting me out”

It felt as if a light was glowing from Thomas, from around his face and he in all ways seemed angelic to Edward. The sweet smile, the beautiful eyes, and the gentle creature he was. Thomas was in all ways perfect to Edward at this moment. Edward could feel his heart beating out of his chest while he stared at Thomas with a worried look on his face which Edward himself wasn't aware of himself but didn't seem to make Thomas' smile fade either.

“I am glad too… I hope we can do this again?” Edward asked carefully and as Thomas nodded eagerly Edward couldn’t help but smile himself either.

* * *

Francis kept tapping his leg as he sat on the bench, looking at his watch and then over at his car. Blanky had seen this behaviour before too many times. Yet it seemed that Francis hadn't learned. Sophia Cracroft had had just returned to town for a short visit. It seemed that Francis always thought that this visit would be the time she stayed and that she stayed with him. Everyone but he had realized that this was never going to happen.

With a deep sigh, Blanky rolled his eyes "Well, why did you bother coming to see me when you want to be elsewhere Francis?" He asked and filled up his pipe.

The wind was blowing most violently, but it always was out here by the sea. The waves were roaring and making such a constant noise that silence would be freeing. They were sitting on a bench outside. Their backs against the walls of a lighthouse. Blanky was its keeper.

He lit his pipe and blew out a big cloud of smoke that quickly was blown away by the wind. The smell of Blanky’s tobacco was gone as fast as it came to Francis’ nose but it came once again each time Blanky puffed out more smoke clouds.

Francis sighed deeply. He hadn't meant it to be like this. He had wanted to talk about an issue with his best friend who had decided to settle down so far away from everything. But a new issue had arisen in the meantime and now Francis felt as if split in two.

"James is leaving" At first Francis thought it was Blanky who had said the words as it didn't feel as if they left him, but they had indeed come from him. He just felt so distant from himself these days.

Blanky, glancing at Francis, paused a moment before he continued to smoke and sighed deeply “Leaving? As in leaving you or leaving completely?” He asked and Francis almost sneered the answer at the other.

“He is moving to London!” Francis said quickly and harsher than he had liked.

“Well couldn’t blame him for either!” Blanky was just as quick to shoot back and the pair of old friends shared a mean look before they both looked each their way and sighed deeply, their shoulders falling.

Blanky blew out yet another cloud of smoke and scratched Neptune behind his ear as it sat awaiting by his side “So, he is moving to London, what are you going to do?” he asked and looked at Francis once more.

Francis crossed his arms, he felt uncomfortable talking about it but after half a lifetime he had finally discovered that keeping feelings on the inside was indeed not ideal compared to talking about them and getting them out of your system. He should be happy that it was Blanky of all people he could talk with, for Blanky he could fully trust. At least he didn’t have to go through the troubling task of finding someone you could talk with. So, he would have to survive this talk as he had survived many before this.

“Am I meant to do something?” Francis asked though, with some venom in his voice as while he was aware of how talking was better that didn’t mean he enjoyed it.

Blanky whipped his head towards Francis and for a second, he looked ready to rip Francis’ head off and Francis probably wouldn't mind at this moment.

"I will never be overly fond of that lanky, long, self-centred, annoying tick of a cave troll” his voice grew louder and more frustrated at each insulting word that left him as he thought of James “but even I can't deny that it was clear to see that he looked at you with great fondness and was ready to build a future with you which is not easy to come by. Who would want an ex-alcoholic, bitter, old, and utterly unromantic bookshop owner like you!” Like when describing James Blanky’s tone rose in both volume and frustration when he spoke of Francis also ”But he would, might be a halfwit because he would but he was more willing to take a chance on you than anyone else” Blanky spurted out the words in an aggressive flow and now it was Francis’ turn to look ready to be violent. There was a reason that Blanky lived out here in his lighthouse, he didn’t like people.

Both were breathing quickly and glaring at one another, the words stung and now it could go one of two ways. That much Blanky knew. Either Francis bitterly admitted the truth Blanky told, or he denied it, and then they would have a 'told-you-so' meeting some weeks from now. But this time they didn't have some weeks for Francis to get over his ignorance and realize that Blanky had given him words of truth and wisdom and not words meant to hurt him. Even though he may have been a bit hurtful in his descriptions. But that would hopefully get the point across.

Francis’s face was in a grimace and he took a deep breath before he spoke in almost a shaky manner “I cannot give him the future he is seeing, I cannot love him as he deserves to be loved. It would be cruel to do this to him, not when I love someone else” He said and looked out over the stormy grey sea.

"Oh, this again, I have heard she has returned from another one of her travels and I can already tell you that this travel will not be the last! She is going to leave soon enough for another journey to some far-off place I tell you" Blanky groaned and facepalmed himself which earned him another glare from Francis.

Francis was grinding his teeth. He was doing it because he wanted to say that it was not going to be like that, that this time it would change and Sophia would stay with him. Finally, his dreams would come true. But he had said such words before and there had Blanky's words been the one who held the truth.

Sophia was a rich woman, she didn't have to work at al. But she did much for charity and even more to ensure the safety of endangered species of animals. She travelled all across the world to come and see the organizations she was donating to. See how it benefitted the animals there. Despite her wealthy upbringing she was an educated zookeeper and was not afraid to get dirt on her hands despite how she also enjoyed the finer things in life. So, she travelled around, she held the animals she aided and saw how all the projects she had put money into were coming along.

Francis had always liked this about her. This kind heart of hers and how she differed from the rest of her species, the snobs. She was better than any of them. She did enjoy the fine rich life, indeed she did, but instead of just buying more and more than she ever would need or mindlessly hoard up her money, she used this money on things that mattered. On desperate animals, or people in need.

Of course, she would have to travel. She had this need to see where her money went, what they were used for. She enjoyed seeing how she made a difference. So, no matter their relationship she would also travel. But traveling was not the same as leaving. She would go out in the world but she would always come back to Francis. He had dealt with this for years, he could continue this, if only he got to know that she loved him.

Blanky wouldn't understand it, Francis was sure of that. What would some old light housekeeper who lived in such solitude ever understand about love and the feelings that came with it? What would he ever understand about Sophia, a woman he had barely met. What would he ever understand about James whom he seemed dislike anyway? Such words had Francis shouted at his friend before and he knew Blanky was aware of how Francis wanted to shout them one more but held himself back.

Blanky looked at his friend and nodded to himself “Very well then, I suppose I will hope you will get to be the one who says ‘I told you so’ this time… I heard that Fitzjames will hold a goodbye party this Saturday? I suppose you have to prepare yourself for saying goodbye then, do it properly, you owe him that much. Take his hand-“

Francis cut off Blanky and his fists clenched “I’m not coming, Sophia and I are going to the opera” He told and once more Blanky’s head whipped up from its disappointed-hanging position.

“You what?!” Blanky’s accent was always heavy when he was angry and Francis slowly stood, dusting off his pants.

“Are you completely mental, you owe him at least to show up to his god damn party. He is leaving! You came out here and asked me what to do about him moving well I say go to his party and make clear to him how much you will miss him. Opera? I’m going to vomit! You couldn’t have asked her to just delay it for one other day? I’ve had it with you and your mindless running after Miss-“ Blanky kept calling after Francis who was leaving the bench behind and heading for his car.

He could hear that both Blanky and Neptune were following him and Francis didn’t hesitate to get into his car and close the door after him as he sat in the driver’s seat. He waited for Blanky to open the passenger’s seat and pick up Neptune to help him get into the car.

“Francis, just listen to me for a moment” Blanky pleaded in a much calmer voice while he put Neptune down and rubbed the dog’s head.

Francis turned his head to look at him “all I know, all I know from what you have been telling me is that Sophia Cracroft hasn’t stayed around to become a wife any of the times you thought she would, I am sure your feelings for her is true and I don’t know what she has told you in private!”

The final words were spoken quickly as Blanky could see Francis getting frustrated "While James Fitzjames, while not being my favourite person in the world, took the time and effort to get to know you and your life. He even came and visited me with you for crying out loud. He is the one who wants to be in your life but you won't allow him. Maybe what you deserve is not what you want, but what you need. Just please think about it, do this for me, as a friend” he pleaded once more.

Francis looked at his friend long and hard, feeling how the words were sinking into him even if he wanted to shake them off. He gave a silent nod which seemed to be enough for Blanky to nod back and step away from the car.

“Remember it’s my birthday next week” Blanky added with a grin, closing the door after he had spoken, his words true but also an attempt to cheer Francis up as Blanky never liked it when they left in an ill manner.

Knowing his friend’s worries about two friends parting with harsh words as it may be the last thing they said to each other, Francis sent the other a forced small smile before looking ahead and driving off, leaving the lighthouse behind. But he couldn’t leave the words said behind.

* * *

The birthday had been as it always had been. The three family members gathered at the breakfast table and two gifts laying ready on the table for father dearest to open. Edward's mother had gotten him the cologne he always wore. It was a useful gift, he was about to run out. He had thanked mother for it, very proper and with a hint of a smile. Then he had continued to eat and drink tea before he had paid any attention to Edward's gift.

Edward felt like a child again, he always did with his father. Nervousness brewing in his stomach, unsure what to do with himself. It was not that he feared his father, it was more like he didn't know what to do. The man barely reacted to anything at all, Edward didn't know what to do to catch the man's attention. When he did well at school his father would sometimes applaud him, but Edward had been so confused with how to even react to praise that his father had drawn away from him as Edward’s confused face probably made his father confused too. It was a right mess, their relationship with each other.

Edward’s father was not a cruel man, more he was a man who didn’t have the tools to make him a good father. He probably shouldn’t have gotten children at all, but it had been expected of him as it was sort of expected by everyone. They were like three strangers gathered at a table. While his parents might have done better just being by themselves and enjoying their lifestyle in quiet solitude, Edward wanted someone special to share this lifetime with. He wanted to experience this thing called love which he hadn’t seen between his parents.

Finally, his father decided it was time for the second gift and he nodded to Edward as a sort of acknowledgment that he knew it was from Edward. He undid the neat wrapping, as Edward was rather good at wrapping, and folded it away to view the gift underneath. Edward felt his whole body tense as he watched his father’s face closely, waiting for the expression that would come upon the viewing of the gift.

His father’s eyebrows raised as he got an unexpected gift and a “ah” left him as he held the book in his hands, seeing the author’s name. He skipped through the pages a bit before closing it once more and looking over the front page, his eyebrows slowly falling back to their normal position again. Then he thanked Edward for the lovely gift.

In the evening Edward could still feel the bitter disappointment brewing in his stomach while he looked up at the Charles Dickens book that now stood in the bookshelf along with all the other hundreds of books they owned that were on display here in the living room. It had been placed with all the others up there, not even left out for the day to just look at and be thankful for. It hadn't even been put in his father's study where there were plenty of bookshelves too. It would be forgotten if it hadn't already been. What a waste of a good book.

Edward stood with a glass of champagne in his hand, wearing formal attire and the chatter of many other people in formal clothing could be heard. A hired waiter was walking around with a tray of glasses similar to the one Edward was holding and making sure everyone was happy and well. It was a dinner party to celebrate his father's birthday. All their family friends had been invited, colleagues, and old classmates. It was utterly boring. None of them wanted to be there. But at least the food was good.

“You keep spacing out, Little” Irving’s voice reached Edward and made him avert his eyes from the one book up among all the other books.

Because Irving and Hodgson's families were friends of Edward's family they were, of course, invited too. The three boys had known each other for years, even before school, because of that arrangement. They stood in a triangle for themselves, as they usually did, each with their glass in their hand.

“Sorry, just exhausted” Edward apologized to his friends but couldn’t even force himself to smile, he looked down at his glass and sighed.

“Good lord” Hodgson mumbled looking at him “exhausted or distressed?” he asked.

Edward didn’t want to explain, he would feel like a child complaining about not getting attention from his father. Nor did he want to explain the whole deal with how he had bought the book and Thomas had seemed to show an interest in the book and Edward had been in doubt about if he should give the book to his father or Thomas.

It had seemed too soon to be bringing gifts to Thomas. He hadn’t even thought he would make it this far, he had gone on a date and everything with the other. They were planning to do it again. They smiled at each other in class. He couldn’t get too eager, he was so grateful for this chance he had with Thomas and he wasn’t about to spoil it because he couldn’t keep his loving emotions inside.

Besides he had planned and bought it for his father, that had been the whole reason behind even getting to ask Thomas out. He had to get a book for his father, he hoped the book would be in Neptune Bookshop where Thomas worked. It was, he got the book and now he had to gift it to his father – as planned. But it didn't feel right, didn't feel right at all.

Thomas hadn't bought the book himself because he knew the stories and seemed like a waste of money. But he would treasure that book, he would read it. Edward's father would never read that book. Edward felt as if he had made a mistake.

"I see Miss Cracroft has returned from her travels once more" and once more it was Irving's words that brought Edward back from his thoughts, he was thankful that they weren't prying into his troubles any further and he would have to apologize to them for his behaviour some other day.

Edward looked over briefly and saw Miss Cracroft and Mr. Crozier talking with his father. They seemed to be leaving, something about an opera he could hear from here. He hadn't expected Mr. Crozier to be here. From what he understood from Thomas Mr. Crozier had been invited to a party by that tall lanky man Edward had seen that fateful day in the bookshop. Edward hadn't seen the tall man around. His eyes searched the room briefly before he looked up at the book again. Are our guests already leaving the party, huh? Well, Edward could do better than that.

Dragging an armchair over to the bookshelves Edward ignored Irving asking what he was doing and Hogdson leaving to try and find some snacks. He stepped up on the armchair, much to Irving's distress, and reached up grabbing the book and pulling out from the others. No one but Irving had noticed this stunt. Edward got back down, dragged the armchair back to where he had found it, and then bid his friends a pleasant evening. He turned and headed to his room.

After changing into some casual clothes Edward hurried down the many stairs of the house and outside, forgetting all about a helmet as he got on his motorcycle and rode down the dark empty streets towards a certain bookshop. In the opposite direction of him, a black beautiful car was driving towards the opera.

He didn’t know why he had assumed that the bookshop might be open. It was quite late by now. Then he thought that it was because he wanted to ask Mr. Crozier what Thomas's address might be. But he had seen Mr. Crozier at the party and knew the other was going to the opera. For a moment, when coming to hold outside the bookshop, Edward thought about turning around and driving straight for the opera when he noticed a light inside the bookshop. It was faint, but it was there!

After parking Edward hurried to the door to the shop and knocked. Nothing happened. Then he knocked a bit harder and the sudden barking of Neptune almost made him jump out of his skin. The black dog was by the glass door, barking up at him. But Edward focused on the dark figure approaching the glass door.

When the figure reached the glass door Thomas's angelic face could be seen from the darkness and Edward couldn't help but smile. Thomas looked confused but was unlocking the shop door while trying to tell Neptune to calm down. He was wearing homely clothes, some loose pyjama pants, and an oversized sweater. Which confused Edward but he really couldn’t think too much about it right now. The slippers were cute though.

"Edward, what are you doing here? I thought it was-" Thomas was cut off as Edward held out the Charles Dickens book.

“I want you to have this!” He said, louder than he had planned to, and everything went quiet for some seconds, even Neptune.

The dog was sniffing Edward’s leg and had realized who it was, so it sat down panting and watched its current babysitter and said babysitter's boyfriend with a happy face. Neptune didn't understand what was going on but it was just happy to be here for the experience.

Thomas carefully took the book and looked over the front page, just to make sure it was the one Edward had bought some days ago "But Edward, weren't you suppose to-"

Again, Edward interrupted the other "I know, I did also do it. I gave it to my father. But I realized that he would never treasure it the way it deserved to be treasured. The way you handle books, the way you know all about them, and treat them with such care. You will be much happier for this book than he ever will. He didn't care about it. I want you to have it, I want to gift it to you" Edward looked into Thomas' eyes "I wanted to ever since I bought it, but I just didn't have to the courage to leave my plans behind. Forgive my flaws, Thomas, I am very fond of you and I want you to have the book so you may read it and think fondly of me as well"

A heavy silence followed yet Edward didn’t feel troubled by it, didn’t feel nervous or insecure. Rather he felt light as a feather. Relieved by having redone his choice that hadn’t good. He was luckier than most to get the chance to redo it. Relieved by having the chance to tell his feelings and now he would hope for the best. He was glad he could give the book to Thomas, it felt right.

Thomas was staring at him with big eyes and in complete silence. A bark from Neptune came and finally broke the silence. Then like the bark from Neptune had started it all, a sudden blush spread on Thomas's cheeks. He suddenly inhaled as if he had forgotten to breathe. He held the book up to his lips and kept staring at Edward with those red cheeks of his, almost seeming shy and bashful.

Edward grew just as big eyes as Thomas when he saw the reaction the other had. Rather than one of them being a deer in highlights, it was like that it was both of them being deer and there was a whole lot of spotlight on both of them. Neptune walked back into the shop, he had gotten bored with all their silliness.

Clearing his throat Edward stood right and reached out, taking Thomas's hand in his "are you happy for it? The book I mean?" He asked.

Thomas blinked and looked down on their hands, then his face broke out in an angelic smile "Yes, I am very happy for the book Edward" he nodded and squeezed Edward's hand.

A smile broke out on Edward’s face too and they just stood there smiling at one another without a care in the world, nothing else mattered right now.

“Oh! Do you want a cuppa?” Thomas suddenly asked, remembering that they were standing here in the door to the shop.

Edward blinked and too remembered the situation, he looked over Thomas’s shoulder into the shop “I would love to. Are you taking care of Neptune at the shop?” He asked.

Thomas nodded confirming and lead Edward inside, closing and locking the door behind him so no one suddenly entered the shop while they were unaware. Then he led Edward to the stairway that normally had the chain with the sign 'Private' blocking anyone from entering the apartment above. Edward supposed watching Neptune at Mr. Crozier's home only made sense but was a bit late to ask Thomas to sit up and wait, Edward thought.

Suddenly it all made more sense to him though. The apartment above didn't belong to Mr. Crozier at all. It was Thomas's apartment. That Edward could see right away as they stepped up in the comfy small apartment. He looked around and took it all in.

Neptune was laying in the dog bed that usually laid by the register, now just by the grey couch and little coffee table with a small, by today’s standards, tv across. This was the living room and also the dining room. A small round table with four chairs was to the left while the couch seating area was to the right when one entered the room from the stairs. In this room was also a lovely bookshelf of oak wood that was filled with books, so many that some had been stacked horizontally on top of the vertical books. It made Edward feel all happy inside to see it.

There was a large number of plants in the room but it filled the room that maybe didn’t have that many pieces of furniture or art decorations, it gave the room much life and the green colour along with a few flowers here and there was very lovely indeed.

On the other side of the room, Edward could see into a very small kitchen that currently didn't have a door to close off the room Edward noticed. Small kitchen but if it worked then who cared. There was a pair of doors, one that led to left and to right. Edward assumed it was maybe was a bathroom and a bedroom, but he couldn't be sure.

It was so small and completely different to what Edward was usually used to. In their big house that had gone down in generations. All fine furniture, big pieces of art, and heavy curtains. But he loved this. Had much more soul in it, such a comfy feeling it gave. He admired the few pictures and posters Thomas did have hanging up while Thomas made him a cup of tea.

“I was watching this new series, it’s a bit spooky, about some sailors that get stuck on the ice? Maybe not the most uplifting series but it got really good reviews” Thomas put two cups of tea on the coffee table before going into the kitchen once more.

Edward took off his leather jacket and laid it over a chair and looked over at the tv screen that showed an icy location of some sort "well, might be worth a watch then" He said slowly moved closer and sitting down on the couch.

Suddenly a plate of cookies, home-baked no doubt, was placed by the teacups and a warm body appeared next to Edward. He looked over and found Thomas sitting very close to him and Edward blinked, leaning back into the couch that had never felt more comfortable.

"I think we should just continue where you left off," Edward said still looking at Thomas who was pressed against his body like this, completely enchanted.

Thomas just smiled and turned on the series, taking his teacup and smiling to himself while Edward kept staring at him. As the evening progressed Thomas laid his head on Edward's shoulder and Edward had a hard time focusing on the series at all.

* * *

James admired himself in the mirror. Henry had been right, this was a lovely dress and worth every penny. It had been a lot of pennies, more than one should spend but James couldn’t even mourn the chop in his bank statement. He was currently also very thankful for his full body mirror. He had curled his hair and bopped it up and he felt so lovely and beautiful. To feel beautiful was such a powerful feeling, it gave him too much confidence as he posed in private in front of the mirror.

The dress went to the floor. It had a dark navy-blue inner dress that had a loose lower half but hugged his figure on the upper half and stopped by the top of his chest. Over it was a sheer black outer layer. It covered the whole blue dress which you could see through, then it covered his collar bone with a round neckline, and sheer flutter sleeves and went to his elbow. The black sheer was embroidered with cosmos inspired patterns. Moons, suns, stars, and constellations. The embroidery sparkled in the light. And James felt like a goddess.

He didn’t worry about his front door being unlocked and someone stepping in, he already knew the noise of this person and therefore it didn’t worry him. Henry walked in and hurried up in the stairs while he called for James.

“Are you ready James? Things are warming up; a quick drive and we will all enjoy ourselves merrily until the dawn breaks and-“ Henry stopped in his words and his steps as he reached the top of the stairs and had entered James’ bedroom.

James posed for his friend and Henry clapped his hands "I must say, James, you outdid yourself this time!" He said with a big smile as he admired James and his dress.

Then Henry crossed his arms "and how dare you, James! Now I will look like some frumpy dumpy walking in with you, oh you always do this!” He complained but with a smile on his face, how many times before had he not said this.

And how many times hadn't James replied with words likewise these "You say that, but last time you outshined me with your crop top! How could I have expected that!"

James pointed accusingly at Henry who kept his arms crossed, they pursed their lips and glared at one another. Held it for a good five seconds before they broke into laughter. Henry walked over and hugged James in a greeting.

"But what a wonderful dress James, you look like a queen, but then again you sort of are," Henry said and James shrugged with a grin.

Soon they were on their way, leaving James’ home behind and Henry drove them to his penthouse apartment where the party was being held. As the door opened a roar of cheering and applause met them as their large group of friends welcomed the guest of honour that they were saying goodbye to at this party. James shined like a star with how he was being showered in attention and he bore it well, smiling and talking with everyone.

He got to meet Henry’s lover last and had a lovely conversation with both him and Henry, he could only approve of this lover and regretted they hadn’t met before as he was sure the three of them would get along great even if James would feel a bit like a third wheel at times.

Music was playing in the background, it was rhythmic and lively enough to give the feeling of a party, but chill enough that one didn't get stressed by it. Henry had hired a bartender, because he always went the extra mile, and one could get a large number of different drinks there. There were arrangements of small lovely delicatessens of all sorts, Henry was French after all. It was all in all a most wonderful party and James couldn't have wished for more.

Or maybe he could. Just one thing more.

James looked up at the digital clock, trying to be smooth about it but he knew Henry probably noticed, and the numbers on the clock laid a heavy shadow over James.

22:14

He had informed Francis the party started at 20:00. James couldn’t describe the feelings going through him. A sadness, without a doubt, this sadness of something much greater than himself. This sadness of him having so desperately hoped that Francis really would show up. That here right before they might part forever, Francis would come and all would be good again. A sadness of being foolish enough to believe that. Being stood up had not happened many times in James’ life, but each time it was horrible. Could the other at least not have the respect to call and say they wouldn’t come.

A country song came on. Henry knew about his secret weakness to country music, it was a disgrace but James just couldn’t help it. Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray by Patsy Cline. How her stunning voice cut into James’ mind, and how his light burned away like the sole cigarette there was left.

A goddess he had come but what was he now. A fool in a dress who had been stood up by the man he loved. The man he had hoped had loved him too. And it hurt, it hurt so bad. James could feel that he was coming apart. But he was not about to show that to everyone here. He would keep what was left of his dignity intact.

Henry could tell, James knew that. He didn’t protest that James wanted to leave two hours into the party, but he did mention he would come by tomorrow. The real trouble came when James had to say goodbye to those invited to the party. It was hard to say goodbye to everyone he knew, hard to say goodbye to his life here but it seemed like the only thing to do now. He couldn’t do this game with Francis anymore.

He ordered a cab to take him home, the ride luckily went without trouble which James was thankful for. Then he was back home. Not his home for much longer. James felt a tightness around his heart and it seemed like the steps towards his home and into it were heavier than normal.

James was trying to keep himself together, he didn't enjoy breaking down even if it gave some relief to get it all out. Right now, he would rather keep it all inside until the day he curled up into a ball and died. James with some trouble tried to get his shoes off, but he lost his balance and fell backward hitting his back and legs against the stairs that were by his front door.

The pain throbbed and only made the tears press more on. With a whimper and a groan, James carefully moved so he could sit on the stairs. At least the dress hadn't been ruined. James ran a hand through his hair and a shaky sigh left him. It was so utterly unfair. Why couldn't Francis just see how much James wanted to love him? Had James not shown it? Had he not been convincing enough?

Broken sobs left James without he had allowed them to, he bit his lip as a way to keep it all in. The pain of both heart and body was twisting inside of him. How he hated this. It was good he was going away, getting away from all of this. But that didn’t make it hurt less. Leaving behind the life he wished he had had.

And finally, it came. He could feel it moving from his stomach and up towards his throat. This burning warmth that he was trying to fight. But he failed. A broken cry left James and he buried his face in his hands where his elbows rested on his lap. Tears were streaming down his face. There was no stopping it now.

It hurt so painfully inside of him. This yearning for something he couldn't get. He supposed he didn't deserve it but did he have to suffer like this? Would he get over this? Would the sun dawn upon him again? Certainly, didn't feel like this now. If the dawn never came he wouldn't miss it.

* * *

The opera that was playing Orfeo ed Euridice, or better known as Orpheus and Eurydice. They had watched two acts so far and had a break before the final third act. Francis enjoyed opera and theatres, he enjoyed the music most of all. The dressing up and sitting with rich people that thought they were being clever and knew a lot about the culture, that part could he live without. He could live without the insanely overpriced drinks in the pauses too, the glass of wine in his hand cost more than the whole bottle probably had for the Opera.

Sophia was talking with some old friends. Some rich people Francis didn’t know but he was sure they were of a fine family and that was why Sophia knew them for the fine families stuck together. She was telling them about her travels which they didn’t care for but were too polite to say. Francis stood a bit behind her in silence, looking out over the gathering of people that were enjoying the break. He had heard about her travels already so he just let them talk in peace.

“Who is your shadow?” The question caught Francis off guard, he looked ahead at the couple Sophia was talking in and was unable to mask his shock.

He was following her around, yes, but they had arrived together, they were here as a couple. He knew no one else. That comment was entirely uncalled for. But what shocked Francis was how Sophia didn't even blink. She didn't stand up for him, she didn't correct him. She simply introduced him to the couple as if he wanted anything to do with them.

With a bitter mind, Francis imagined what scene James wouldn't have caused. He tried to pay attention to what this rich couple said to him but he found it hard to do so. He didn't want to talk to them, he didn't want to mingle with these people who frowned their noses at him as if they could smell on his suit which social class he belonged to.

The bell rang and it was time for the third and final act. Francis found it hard to focus on. Almost as if in a haze he simply followed Sophia, becoming her shadow, and moved in to see the opera to a finish.

Francis sat down and looked around at the others who sat and readied themselves to enjoy the opera. Or at least pretend to enjoy it. What was he doing here? He looked over at Sophia. Was that what he was to her? Some shadow that followed her all the time asking her to marry him? Was that what he was going to become at the end of his days? A lonely shadow who still hadn’t gotten Sophia to marry him? Just some shadow moving around in town?

Francis felt sick and tried to calm his breathing that had grown quicker without him noticing. He brought a hand to his forehead and shook his head, hearing Blanky’s words ring through his mind once more. Damn that man.

He watched as Orpheus let go of Eurydice’s hand and didn’t speak to her anymore for he had a pact to keep with Cupid. He watched as Eurydice didn’t understand his actions and Orpheus suffered in silence. Eurydice cried and took it as a sign that he no longer loved her, therefore she rather return to the underworld.

Then Francis suddenly stood. Sophia looked back at him and blinked a bit confused, but without showing the greatest shock or irritation over what he did. She simply waited for an explanation which she would indeed get.

”I have to leave, there is something I need to stop. Excuse me Sophia” Francis explained, his face set in a frown as he felt like time was running out.

He had ignored his Eurydice and now his Eurydice was going to leave forever, and Francis would just turn into a shadow of the underworld and spend the rest of his days in misery for he had not proven to Cupid that he truly loved his Eurydice.

Sophia blinked, then smiled and nodded ”well I hope you succeed, it was good to see you Francis” and then she looked back at the opera.

Francis was surprised by her calmness and he could hear someone shush on them, but he wasted not a moment longer here and hurried out the opera and down the many stairs there was in the grand building for they had a balcony seat.

Coming out on the busy night street here in the middle of the city Francis looked around with big eyes. Cars driving and honking, people walking by and all the lights from the city. He had to hurry. He waved to a taxi and got in, giving them the directions and a considerable sum of money to get there as fast as possible.

Francis pulled out his phone and tried to call James. After the third call where nothing happened, he called Vesconte’s whose number he was surprised he had. This one was picked up.

”Hello?” Vesconte seemed a bit confused, he didn’t know who was calling and Francis could hear talking in the background.

”Please pass the phone to James!” Francis said, he knew Vesconte could hear who he was and he didn’t have time to explain himself.

He could feel Vesconte’s glare through the phone ”He is not here you bastard, you think he would be here after you stood him up?” he almost spat at Francis.

Francis frowned, he thought he had left a message… To his horror, he realized that no. He had left nothing at all, he hadn't spoken or looked at James.

”Did he head home? Please Vesconte just help me fix this!” Francis pleaded and was met with a long silence.

”… Yes, he has gone home” Vesconte then said and Francis was quick to give the taxi driver new directions while Vesconte hung up on him.

The taxi ride was unbearable. Francis tried to call James again, and couldn’t handle just sitting there waiting until they got there. Suddenly the car stopped and Francis frowned, they were not even close yet.

”What is this?” He asked and threw his hand out, feeling his anger rise over this sudden stop until he noticed the long line of cars ahead of them.

”Sorry sir, a traffic holdup, I am not sure what happened” The taxi driver explained and shrugged, nothing he could do to change the situation.

Francis sat there for a second then opened the door and stepped out on the night street and started running in full black and white suit through the city. He was not a man of great stamina and he could feel himself heat up and his breathing had grown heavy, but he kept running, kept running until he got to James.

The door to James’s suddenly slammed open and James looked up from his hands in shock, he hadn’t moved from his spot since he had arrived and hadn’t even been aware that he hadn’t locked the door. He took the sight before him in.

Francis was panting heavily; his whole face was red and sweat was running down in beads on his forehead. He was wearing a smart suit, but James had a feeling the white shirt was probably quite sweaty under the jacket. The bowtie had come undone.

Likewise, did Francis take in James who sat on his stair steps. In a stunning blue dress, but his curly hair was tangled and his eyes puffy and red, his cheeks had the stains to prove that he had been crying and he certainly looked sad.

Francis stepped forward and laid his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath, then he stood up straight “Don’t leave James, don’t you do it! Stay here with me, please, I beg of you!” He almost yelled out in between pants.

James stared at him with big eyes, but the reaction Francis had hoped for was not what he got. James frowned in anger and stood up, tears welling up in his eyes.

“How dare you! Coming here after you burned me off because that Sophia returned, coming here and asking me to stay when you will just forget about me again! Don’t you dare do this to be, don’t break my heart more than you already have” James almost screamed at Francis.

As James cried out his pain Francis stepped forward, laying his hands on James’s arms even if the other tried to draw away "James, James my darling I have been a fool, I didn't see it. I have been unfair to you and a downright bastard. There is no excuse. I had this foolish idea Sophia was the only one for me. But I see now that this whole time I had all I could wish for ready for me. You are more than I deserve, please forgive me. Please just stay James, let me make this right. Let me be the one who craves your love this time" Francis spoke in a gentle tone, looking deeply into James's eyes.

James crossed his arms, his breathing shaky, he glared at Francis for as long as he could keep it up. Then he fell together, unable to keep it up anymore. He looked at Francis in silence for longer than Francis thought his heart could take it. Then a small smile came to James’ lips.

"Please be gentle with my heart Francis, do that for me," James said in nothing but a whisper, and Francis nodded slowly.

Francis couldn’t stop a toothy grin to come to his lips and James rubbed his cheeks with a small laugh “Did you run here?” he asked and ran a hand through his messy hair, trying to make himself presentable.

“There was a traffic hold up” Francis explained and James laughed once more, shaking his head with joy.

“I only leave in the morning, or I was supposed to, you didn’t have to run” he explained but Francis shook his head at the words.  
"What if you were gone, what if you had disappeared and I was too late to stop it," He said and pushed James' hair behind his ears.

James looked at him with such hope that Francis couldn’t help himself but brought their lips together and wrapped his arms around James’ waist, bringing the other close to him and dipping him down. James didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Francis’ neck, letting himself get gracefully dipped as he closed his eyes into the kiss.

The next day Francis was hardly allowed to leave James' home for the man held onto him but promised to come back around 4 and meanwhile let James deal with all the issues that had arisen with his sudden choice to stay rather than depart this morning. Francis was shocked to see that the book shop had not been opened at 11 as it normally did on a Sunday. What shocked him, even more, was coming face to face with Edward Little when he unlocked the door to the shop himself. The kid was quick to scramble and Thomas wouldn't stop apologizing with a big blush on his cheeks. Francis rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. James would love this story.

Blanky would probably not love Francis for inviting both James and Vesconte to his birthday next week though, but the triple number of gifts would surely dull his irritation.


End file.
